Twice out shopping with friends, I got into the wrong cars.
I still don’t see what the big deal was; if the driver and I had talked, maybe I would have found out if they were going my way or not.
But I did not because the second my butt hit their co-passenger seat,
the look of surprise on their faces chased me out to find the right car.
The biggest tip off?
The car where people laughed hysterically was where I belonged.
The first time I did that, many years before, it was dark and raining.
I attribute my mistake to that.
But the second time occurred in broad, sunny daylight.
I am a ditz.
So, how about walking out of the bathroom with
your skirt tucked in your underwear?
The clue was my 2nd grade classmates’ explosive laughter when I returned to class and took my seat.
Ever walked around with your glasses on your face and asked someone if they had seen them?
Yep. I did that too.
Further proof is the one time I used a black light bulb on my porch at Halloween.
Couldn’t see a thing.
Ever driven off with your purse on the top of your car?
Yep, me too.
We lived in Caracas, Venezuela, for several years. I took an English/Spanish dictionary with me everywhere.
One time I went to a local Sears in search of hair bows.
I trotted confidently into Sears, with my trusty dictionary in my pocket,
looking forward to visit an American store.
Was I in for a surprise!
I found the correct department and asked the shop lady where the hair “bows” were.
I pointed to the word for a bow in Spanish and pointed to my head.
She said something I did not understand, but said in broken English for me to wait.
The manager was coming.
The manager? Were the hair bows under lock and key?
Or did they really know how to treat an obvious American, even if I was only 15 years old.
The manager arrives and politely asked me if he could help me.
I told him what I told the saleslady.
I need this, pointing to the word in the dictionary and pointed to my head.
You want to know what he did?
He escorted me OUT OF THE STORE!
Confused, I went home, hair bow-less.
Decades later, still using my trusty English/Spanish dictionary, I came across the word “bow”.
I saw the word I pointed to in Spanish decades before,
and realized I was telling them I wanted to buy an archery type of bow.
The poor guy probably thought I wanted to shoot myself in the head in his store.
Another blooper was when I worked as a
Medical Interpreter for Hispanic Patients at Mercy Medical Center in St. Louis, MO.
A newly pregnant young couple was seeing the Nutritionist, and I bridged the communication gap.
We were talking about weight gain, and in Spanish, they express weight as kilos.
I do not know how this happened, but out of my mouth came flying “C***”.
If you speak Spanish, you might be familiar with a 4 letter word that is used to describe stinky, nasty butth***.
The nutritionist didn’t catch it, but the young couple and I did not make eye contact on purpose
and I corrected myself,
saying KILO clearly and LOUDLY at least 3 times for emphasis.
We are only talking about KILOS here!!
Later, at lunch, I told the nutritionist about it and we had good laugh.
Another time was when I was setting up cable for
an apartment I was moving into.
The customer service representative was professional and helpful.
He asked me many questions, including if I had pets.
Feeling brilliant, fending off his chance to sell me anything extra I did not want,
I said: “I do, I have two cats, and they watch what I watch.”
He responded: “No, we tell people to keep their dogs in another room for the safety of the tech setting up the service.”
See? What did I tell you?
How about you?
Any bloopers you’d like to share?