My brand with purpose

Sober 14+ Years, This is What I Have Learned About Overcoming Everything That Troubled My Mind and Robbed Me Of My Peace

Trigger Warning
My life goal is to help my brothers and sisters in recovery; they are who I write for and to.
Explaining HOW we became addicts and everything I do to heal my life dominates my writing. 
So, more than anything, at my 64 years of age and sober 14+ years, I want people to see
how a young child raised in child abuse and domestic violence
so traumatizing it leaves them with mental and physical illnesses such as clinical depression, complex ptsd,
autoimmune disorders, morbid obesity, horrid chronic fatigue, insomnia and more, can turn their life around into a happy and sober life.
I understand self-destruction, self-loathing, addiction, and recovery firsthand because I lived it and
my life is better, happier, FUN, sober, and productive.
Healing is possible; I have done it. Also, I have eliminated ALL my cravings!
I cannot remember the last time I craved an alcoholic drink and my overeating cravings
to have gotten me to weigh over 300 pounds also have stopped many times. Now when I lay down to sleep, my brain is quiet. I can sleep taking no sleep aids. And I sleep through the night easily and happily. 
Is my life perfect today? Far from it; but it is so much better than it was. Do I still struggle?
Every day, but I am happy, and doing everything I can to manage my physical and mental health problems,
and keep myself moving forward, in spite of the obstacles I face.
Do you know anyone like me?
How do they act?
Do you wonder why they seem to sabotage themselves over and over?
Are you struggling with this problem?
Please keep reading.
Having struggled for decades to build a life for myself, I could not understand why others were more successful than I was.
I could not get myself out of low-income jobs. I would not find the answer to that question for many decades of my life.
Once I found the answers I needed, I understood why so many of us become prostitutes, career addicts, bullies, junkies,
and other hellish mental illness self-hating conditions. Someone brainwashed us into believing we were unlovable, useless, defective.
That deeply damages self-esteem. With that impairment, no one stands a chance to live a happy, fun and authentic life.
 Seeing on online forums the loneliness and separation fellow addicts feel, I hope to let them know they are not alone and that there is help for them.
I worry about this section of the population because reaching someone who has self-destruction ruling their life is difficult.
They can’t just switch over to embrace healthy behavior. I worry many of them might be considered “Treatment Resistant”
because neither the treating mental health professionals nor the addict don’t realize the deep level of grieving they need to do first
before they can bring in and seriously consider gaining a healthy mindset. And not managing their iceberg of pent up anger, rage, and self-loathing,
we see their distortions instead of their gifts and skills buried under the twisted misrepresentation of their true selves.
For example, let’s look at a family who is super active in sports. They eat, live, and breathe sports.
The kids are active in sports, the parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles all follow the kids playing.
They all love and watch sports, many times together.
They travel for sports; they wear clothing reflecting their favorite teams.
They might even have rooms in their homes devoted to their favorite sport teams.
Kids in abused families are just as saturated, but in abuse, hatred, and gaslighting. Everything around them includes abuse, neglect, and nitpicking criticism.
There is no break from it; everything is suffocating. They might go out, but the family could appear subdued, or they act overly happy.
Not everyone makes eye contact. Some members openly criticize family members in public.
Some may look sullen and are sulking, standing with their arms crossed in a defensive mode, with downcast expressions. If you examine them, you might see some are afraid of the older members.
And if you can read their body language, you will learn more because body language doesn’t lie.
Ok, so how do you think it would feel if the sports family was told they had to cut sports from their lives?
Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, imagine the level of work and time required to achieve that.
How shocked do you think they would be to find that out? I remember how shocked I was to find out my family was not only cruel, their abuse was criminal.
Could any of them flip a switch and stop that intertwined involvement in their life and in their heads?
It is a long, tedious road to walk in recovery, and some of it can be grueling and painful.
But they can see tiny improvements every day if they put in the work. And with that, true joy surfaces.
Consider this as another example: It’s like taking a math class that is way above the level you know.
Imagine taking calculus when you can barely add or subtract. You would feel dreadfully stupid, wouldn’t you?
You wouldn’t be able to follow anything, right? You might even doubt that what you are hearing is in your language.
That is what it feels like if your brain is screaming hatred at you in the voices of your abusers, and a therapist or mental health professional
is telling you to ignore it for whatever reason. If you can switch that off and focus on healthy topics, then that’s great! But not everyone can do that.
I am one of those people. I had to crawl my way through the pain and horror of my family’s abuse first before I could get to those steps.
And it was like crawling over broken glass. In healing from that deep abuse, my self-esteem shaped up and healed.
And over time, it has gotten stronger, and I feel better and stronger every day.
So, imagine someone who can’t stop drinking, drugging, or overeating because their thoughts and worries torment and torture them.
Then their therapist expects them to stop those thoughts and focus on positive things. There is no way those two people are going to connect.
The therapist needs to learn how to meet their patient where they are by asking questions and listening carefully to their responses.
Then, and only then, can the therapist gently guide them through their emotional minefields to safety. And that process? That can take years. 
I have written about those subjects on my LandonClaryEason blog. You can see two drop-down menus.
I titled one “Sober 12+ Years, This Is What I Have Learned in Recovery About…..
Those topics include the astonishing benefits I experienced firsthand, our unique paths to recovery, how gratitude,
self-awareness and acceptance heal my soul, relapsing over and over, plus more.
During the following sober year, I wrote Sober 13+ Years, This Is What I Have Learned About
understanding who my friends really are, and facing my painful thoughts and how that healed me.
We learn by repetition, right?
If we don’t know better, what we hear repeatedly stays in our brains and we believe it.
Our emotions know better and they try to get our attention to say: Hey! You need to get rid of this; it isn’t your truth.
It hurt you, and you need to heal those wounds, so the emotion connected to them heal.
And doing that helps your self-esteem heal and get stronger. 
What would decades of abuse seem like in the brain of an abused child?
I’ll tell you: excruciating agony.
Now imagine what you would look like and act if that was dominant in your mind.
You’d look like hell, wouldn’t you? How do you think you’d behave?
You’d be a mess, wouldn’t you? What kind of shape do you think your life would be in? 
That is why do many of us fail in our lives; carrying that unescapable torture around 24 hours a day is blinding.
Trying to push that away so you can go to school, work or try to manage your life contributes to addiction
to tone down the turmoil, attempting to escape their reality.
Is it any wonder so many young people become rebellious?
Is it any wonder why do many become violent?
Because of the hard work I have done over the years, my mind is so much quieter now.
It is so much easier to think through things without being
bombarded by the flashbacks of mother and my sisters arrogantly sneering and
spitting their putrid, toxic waste in my face.
I still have flashbacks from them, but they are less than they were.
Importantly, as I continue to improve, I see more clearly how important a healthy mindset is and how it governs physical health.
Pacing is critically important.
The focus should be on bringing their life into balance.
I have been working on that for myself for almost a solid decade.
I have made a ton of progress, but I still have a long way to go.
 I have 2 more blogs: One is HappySoberCrafter where I post pictures of items I have crafted over the years,
plus some funny sections, the importance of gratitude, and some other cheerful topics for recovery.
My focus there is to show how recovery can be a lot of fun. Also, I am putting a forum together for it,
and my main blog where I post my essays has a forum as well.
I am reviewing what will make it the safest I can and hopefully they will both be ready to join soon.
The other is MySadisticPsychopathMother . I warn you on the last one; it is ugly, ugly. ugly.
That entire blog is one great big trigger warning. I am not adding a forum to that one.
That blog gives you an idea of what it is like to grow up as the youngest of three girls in a household dominated by my sadistic, vicious psychopath mother, who groomed my two older sisters to be her thugs. Parched for attention from my family, I became a willing participant in incest and sexual abuse. Chances are you know people from upbringings like mine. I hope you will consider trying to understand why they behave how they do. I am not saying you should tolerate abuse from them; I say that, so maybe you see how they became who they are. And chances are, without wanting to get better, they will only get worse.
While they may want to get better, they don’t know how.
If you can’t see the road, you can’t find your way to start.
I address that in my writing, and also that they consider finding their direction best for them to go in.
Healing is one of the most unique paths any of us will ever travel, and it is for each of us to decide which route is best.
It isn’t for someone to tell them what to do, making them follow that path only. That is how unique and individual each path is.  
I am putting a book together where I go into more detail about my upbringing,
that I am no longer protecting my abusers, how my family taught me hatred and the terrible problems I caused because of that.
The last chapter is about trying to find people I was hateful to before I learned how cruelly I acted out
and worked hard to heal and manage my anger better. I am utterly mortified and remorseful about how I treated my victims.
I hope I can connect with them so I can apologize properly to do what I can to make amends. 
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